Being a pompous old fart

Used the word EQUIDISTANT in a conversation with family...in KFC of all places...
Mummy:      "Which garden centre do you want to go to?"
Daddy:         "It doesn't matter.  They are all equidistant."

Daddy:     "I'll never find it now.  It will be in the mass conglomerate of filing."
Mummy:  "Wrong, cos A, I've done the filing and B, a conglomerate is a collection of different things and the filing is all the same thing.  i.e. pieces of paper.  *blows raspberry*".
**Not actually sure who was being the most pompous old fart at this point**

On Mummy using a trade name to describe a generic product:
Daddy:       "That's like going to the Mazda showroom and it being full of Skodas."
Mummy:    "Yes.  That's exactly what it's like.  You're so right."
5 minutes later Daddy calls Henry a Hoover and he gets it with both barrels.

On the phone telling an anecdote so dull that Mummy lay on the floor under her desk and pretended to be dead.

Daddy:    "I'm seeing how far I can go before I bore the woman at BT to death."
Mummy: "You should have stopped weeks ago.  You've probably plateaued by now."
Daddy:    "She sounded very interested."
Mummy: "She's not interested."
Daddy:    "She is because it was very interesting and important."

Popping out to do a delivery and being genuinely annoyed cos when he got back a customer was parked in his spot (i.e. not really his spot but he likes to park there).  Incidentally whenever he goes to Tesco he tries to park in the exact same spot.    99.9% of the time he doesn't manage to get this spot as it is only a few steps from the front door, but he still has a tantrum anyway.

Placing an order over the phone:
"...and then you can send us an invoice and we can pay it."
Bet they never thought of that.  Ground breaking stuff.

Mummy:    "I'm off work next week, can you do blah blah for me."
Daddy:       "I don't know how."
Mummy starts to tell him...
Daddy:       "I don't need to know, I'll just send the fax and get the info and you can do it when you get back."
Mummy:    "OK.  So here's the fax, send it on Thursday.  I'll sort it out when I get back."
Daddy:       "What's this?  Why does it say this?  Why is this here?  What's this about?"
Mummy:    "You said you didn't need to know.   Just send the bloody fax."
Daddy struggling to control his inner nosy bugger for the rest of the day.