Daddy on the news.

"Kim Kardashian?  Is she Bernie Ecclestone's daughter?"

On Rolf Harris being arrested:
"HEY NO!  I'm not having that.  SHUT UP!  He only raped one person and she wasn't even a child."

On Iraq:
Daddy:     "And then we all sat down to watch them bomb Baghdad live on TV."
Mummy:  "Did we?  I never.   That's not my idea of entertainment.  Was this during the second world war?
Daddy:   "No, it was about ten years ago."

On a news story about a car catching fire in the lion enclosure at a safari park:
Matt:       "What would you do?  Stay in the car or get out?"
Daddy:    "Get out and face the lions.  If you stay in the car you will burn to death."
Mummy: "But if you get out the lions might eat you."
Daddy:    "And they might not.  If they come near me I will poke them in the eye with a stick."

On the missing plane on the news:
"Maybe the pilot was a bit doolally tap.  It'll all come out in't water haha."

Attempting to repeat a story he heard on the news:
Daddy:     "And then the man shot....mumble mumble."
Mummy:  "Pardon?"
Daddy:     "I can't be bothered."
Mummy:  "Imagine you doing the bedtime story on CBeebies?    Once upon a time oh I can't be arsed with this shit.  Get to bed children."