Daddy on animals...

Standing admiring a bull over the fence:
Mummy:       "Why are you staring at that bull's willy?"
Daddy:          "I've never seen one that close up before."

Mummy:      "There are a million flying ants in the bedroom."
Daddy picks four up and throws them out of the window:  "There you go, only 9996 to go."

On the phone:   "Is that a dog in the background?...Oh a Rockweiler.  Blimey, I bet you're all cowering in the the corner."
Mummy:          "ROTTWEILER."
Daddy:             Oh, I've been corrected."  *in a really sarcastic voice*

On Carly:     "She kept me awake scratching all night long.  Like Lionel Richie."

"Is it the size of a pig?"

"Tor-tuss."

"We're not always swinging the same cat."