Daddy on eating out...

Katie:       "I thought we were going out for dinner?"
Daddy:     "So did I but then we just drove straight past the turning."
Katie:       "You were driving!"
Daddy:     *singing* "I drived all night, to get to you."

Daddy:       "Oh good here's my pudding."
A waitress is walking across the restaurant holding what is very clearly two plates of salmon.
Mummy:    "Do you not think an icecream sundae would arrive in a sundae dish?"
Daddy:       "I can't see. I need new glasses."
Mummy:    "I'll drive home shall I?"

"Can I have a cream tea and a cup of tea?"

Complaining in McDonalds after going large for an extra 30p:
"What do you mean you don't get a bigger burger?"

"I have never been to KFC under my work banner."

Arriving in a restaurant:
"Hello, we have an appointment at 8."

Daddy:      "What's that restaurant that all the down and outs go to?   Waterstones?"
Mummy:   "The book shop?"
Daddy:      "No the one where the down and outs go for breakfast?"
Mummy:   "McDonalds?   Starbucks?   God knows."
Daddy:      "Wetherspoons.   haha imagine walking into Waterstones and asking for the beef bourgignon."
Mummy:   "Imagine walking into Wetherspoons and asking for the beef bourgignon.    Beef burger more like.  I think you are stretching the definition of restaurant."

Daddy:      "We went to a French restaurant for dinner."
Bryn:         "No, we went to Cafe Rouge for our tea."
Daddy:      "It was quite restauranty."
Bryn:         "It wasn't.   It's a cafe."
Daddy:      "Bryn nearly had snails."
Bryn:        "NO I NEVER.   They don't even sell snails."

"We stopped at Burger King.  Chips were lovely.   12mm square."