Daddy on Film and TV...

"As noticeable as James Mason.   Whatever happened to him?   He died I think."
Yes Johnny, about 30 years ago actually.  Otherwise he'd be 114 years old.

This one's a joint effort I'm afraid:
Mummy:     "Tommy Lee Vance off the radio?"
Daddy:        "You're thinking of Tommy Lee Jones.  Tommy Vance wasn't married to Pamela Anderson."
Minihuman 1:           "Neither was Tommy Lee Jones.  That was Tommy Lee."

Daddy is laughing his head off at something on the telly.  Mummy comes down to see what hilarious comedy show he is watching...it's Match of the Day.   This incident has also occurred frequently when watching the One Show, Eastenders and...wait for it...The News at Ten.

"Ooh it's so big.  It's like a tardist."

"They are a quid each.   Like Harry Potter."

Daddy:        "Nick Nolte lives in a hotel in Bristol."
Mummy:     "Do you mean Nick Knowles?"

"Why does nothink go right?   It's like an episode of Minder."

Voiceover man on telly:   "Many of these people have several decades more experience than him."
Daddy:        "Blimey.  Why are they not retired.  They should be dead?"
Mummy:     "What?   That's only twenty or thirty years."
Daddy:        "No.  It's seventy years.  Where do you think the sev comes from in several."
Mummy:     "I give up."

On a trip to the cinema:
Daddy:       "And then they both insisted on an icecream at a million pounds."
Mummy:   "The trick to good exaggerating is to make it almost believable.  Try again."
Daddy:      "OK.   Five hundred thousand pounds.  Each."

You can always tell when there's a series of Top Gear running cos Daddy insists on talking like Jeremy Clarkson at all times.  to a point where he doesn't even realise he's doing it.

Daddy's telling someone on the phone the entire "plot" of a really boring documentary he watched.  It's like listening to Tolkien.   Fascinating.

On somebody spilling tea on his desk:
Daddy:        "This reminds me of that film."
Mummy:     "You're going to have to be more specific."
Daddy:        "That film.  With Ben Sedler."
Mummy:     "Nope.  Still not with you."
Daddy:        "When she had that stuff in her hair."
Mummy:     "Something about Mary?   Ben Stiller?  Nobody spilled tea on that film."

Someone says to Daddy:   "It's like Narnia here."
Daddy:      "You're all sat around eating angel delight?"

"I'm melting" in an Arnold Schwarzenegger voice.   Don't remember him playing the Wicked Witch of the West.  Must have been a remake.

Daddy to Minuhuman 3:     "Have you seen that film my brother in law?"
Minihuman 3:                     "You mean Stepbrothers?"
Daddy to Mummy:    "That reminds me of that film my stepbrother."
Mummy:              "Oh my god.   It's called Stepbrothers."

"I had an enquiry off someone in Denmark.   That reminds me, I watched the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo trilogy, in Swedish.  It was brilliant.  There were three of them."

Daddy invented the phrase "iplayer it".  Apparently it means "watch it on BBC iplayer later."

Daddy:       "Ah, like DIY SS?"
Mummy:    "Is that where the Nazis redecorate your home?"

"Ooh did I hear you talking about ash die back?...No?   Oh."  Disappointed because this week he is mostly an expert on this subject on account of seeing a five minute segment on the One Show...last week it was bumble bees.

"Like Larry Grayson, I'm free.  Not that I'm an aficionado or anything."   Evidently not, considering that was not his catch phrase.

Daddy starts singing some inane tune.
Mummy:    "What's that your singing?"
Daddy:       "Terry and June.  These two are like Terry and June."
Mummy:    "Ah of course.  A cultural reference we'll all get."
Daddy:       "It wasn't for anyone's benefit but my own."
Mummy:    "Keep it in your head then next time."

Daddy just watched Anchorman 2:
Daddy:     "I thought that was a recent film but it must have been made a while ago cos Yasser Arafat is dead now."
Mummy: "What?   But it's set in 1979.  He was alive then?"
Daddy:    "No it's not.  It's in the modern day."
Mummy: "Are you trying to be funny?"
Daddy:    "I didn't notice any period features.  It was timeless."
Mummy: "I can't tell if you're serious or you're just trying to get a reaction.   Did you not notice the whole theme of the film was 70s?   The jokes about Margaret Thatcher and Olivia Newton John?  The clothes?   The hair?  The music?"
Daddy:    "The cars looked a bit old but the rest of it looked modern."
Mummy: "And that's why I have to buy all your clothes for you."

Girl on telly:  "My ideal man; the clothes, the hair, the muscles, the tattoo, the tan..."
Daddy:           "The job?  The savings plan?"

On someone we know who got beaten up:
Daddy:      "Ooh maybe it will be on Crimewatch.   Did anybody see these chaps who beat up Steve?"
Mummy:   "They are hardly likely to refer to a gang of Turkish thugs as chaps are they."

Colleague:   "Have you seen Breaking Bad?"
Daddy:         "No we haven't."
Mummy:      "I watched the first three episodes but I didn't like it."
Daddy:         "WHEN DID YOU WATCH IT?"
Mummy:     "God.  OK.  I've never seen it.  Happy now?"
Daddy:        "You're the only person to have something bad to say about it."
Mummy:     "Blimey.  I've never seen it but it looks amazing."

Daddy:        "Ohhhh.    Ohhhhh.    Ohhhhh."
Mummy:     "What are you doing now?"
Daddy:        "It's the music off Ferris Brewster's day off."
Mummy:     "Never heard of it."

Colleague:    "I didn't like Batman V Superman."
Mummy:       "That's cos you're not 6."
Daddy:          "Ah well the thing is..."
The phone rings.  Colleague answers it.  Daddy decides to tell Mummy his theory instead...
Daddy:          "....Batman is a superhero who...blah blah have no idea what he said next cos she wasn't listening... so anyway..."
Mummy:       "Please stop talking."

"...just like that dinosaur off Lord of the Rings."

Daddy;    "Would you like to watch Call of Duty?"
Mummy: "Would I like to watch you play Call of Duty?"
Daddy:    "What?  No.  Would you like to watch Line of Duty?"
Mummy: "No thanks.  I'm going for a bath."
Daddy:    "Oh but you will love it.  It's a Sunday night drama that's on every night."
Mummy: "I haven't got time to watch something that's on every night."
Daddy:     *crossly*"I never said that.  I don't understand why you don't want to watch it.   You would like it."
Mummy:  "There's no need to cry.  You didn't write the bloody thing."
Daddy:     "I just don't understand."   *wanders off sadly*