Daddy on geography.

"Where are you sort of based?  Are you sort of in Bristol?"

"I need to phone America."  Hello hello is that America?

"That's an oxymoron.  The sun is shining in Manchester?  Square pegs don't go into round holes."

"And then the Indians would say 'oh ja'."

"Heath Row Airport."

"Down the hill is what we call Caldicot Castle."

"Dubai never struck me as an interesting place.  It's all sand and getting pissed."

Daddy has just changed the name of the town Norwich to Norridge.  All residents must please use the new name at all times.

In a pretend American accent:   "I'm going to catch a quick comfort call." (going to the toilet, apparently).   He also says, "I'm going to catch myself a beer."  As that is what they say in America (apparently).

On minihuman doing an impression of a Welsh person:
Daddy:         "Don't be so rude."
Minihuman: "Don't take it personally.  You're not Welsh."
Daddy:         "Don't be rude to your hosts."

Attempting to speak French (or maybe some other comedy language?):
Pipe - Le Peep
Water - Le Wattah
The butty van is here - Le Butteh van est hee-yuhh

Daddy:      "When you buy something from the continent you have to watch out for import duty."
Mummy:   "I know but this was from South Africa."
Daddy:      "Yes.  The continent."
Mummy:   "No, South Africa."
Daddy:      "I know.  The continent."
Mummy:   "You do know the continent refers only to the continent you are on?   i.e. Europe."
Daddy:      "No it doesn't.   It means everywhere other than Europe."
Mummy:   "Don't be ridiculous.  That doesn't even make sense."
Daddy:      "Of course it does.  Doesn't it?  (Looking round at various other people, all of who immediately run out of the room)

On a crowded bus and very loudly:
"Up that hill there is Clifton Suspension Bridge."
Does Nazi salute.

"He was Italian AND he came from Italy."

When Daddy is going somewhere the entire town becomes the event.  For example he is going to a training course in Wilmslow next week.  This event is referred to at all times as Wilmslow, not the course.     "I need to pack for Wilmslow."