Wednesday, 13 May 2015

Nanny and Grandadisms.

Walking through a shopping mall:
Daddy:     "And this is Katie's favourite shop, Hollister"
Nanny (peering through the window):     "What do they sell?"
Daddy:     "Clothes and perfume"
Nanny:     "Ooh and lamps, they sell lamps"
Daddy:     "Er no, that's just a light fitting"

Looking at the computers in an electrical shop:

Nanny:     "I'm going to look at that computer over there, I want to know how much that wallpaper is"

In a busy restaurant at 90,000 decibels as a waiter with a tattoo passes the table:

Grandad:     "Ooh look that man's got a huge bruise on his arm"

In a tiny craft shop right in front of the owner:

Nanny:     "Ugh it stinks in here"

Staying at Nanny and Grandads one christmas:

Mummy:     "I need to nip out to the chemist"
Grandad:    "What do you need?  I might have it"
Mummy:     "Er no I don't think you will"
Grandad:    "I might, I have most things"
Everyone else:     "No you really won't"
Grandad:     "But what do you need?"
Mummy:     "TAMPONS!"
Grandad (shuffling off):    "No I don't have any of them"

To a customer in an Italian restaurant:

Daddy:     "Are you open?"
Man:        "I don't work here"
Nanny"     "Are you open?"
Man:        "I don't work here"
Nanny:     "Are you serving luncheon?"
Daddy:     "He doesn't work here"
Man:        "If I worked here I wouldn't be just standing here"
Nanny:     "You might, you could be Italian" 

Reading  mini humans t-shirt that says Bring out the gimp:
Nanny:     "Bring out the jimp.   What's a jimp?"

Ordering desserts in a restaurant:
Nanny:        "The portions here are far too big"

Grandad:     "Far too big for us"
Nanny:        "Do you recommend the lemon meringue sundae?"
Waitress:     "It's the biggest pudding on the menu"
Grandad:     "I'll have it then"

The phone rings.
Mummy:     "Hello."

Grandad:     "Hello Rosie."  (That's our cousin, Uncle Nick's daughter)
Mummy:     "No, it's Sam."
Grandad:     "Is that Hannah?" (That's Rosie's sister)
Mummy:     "No, it's Sam.  You've rung the wrong number."
Grandad (very crossly):  NO I HAVEN'T.  Is that Hannah?"
Mummy:     "No, it's Sam."
Grandad:     "Who?"
Mummy:     "Sam."
Grandad:     "Who?"
Mummy:     "SAM!"
Grandad:     "Flo?"
Mummy:     "NO SAM!"
Grandad (very crossly):   *sigh*"I'm going to ring off now Flo."

Grandad:  "I had a bowl of fruit, full cooked breakfast and three croissants."
Mummy:   "Three?"
Grandad:   "Yes.  And fresh fruit.  It was so healthy."

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