Walking through a shopping mall:
Daddy: "And this is Katie's favourite shop, Hollister"
Nanny (peering through the window): "What do they sell?"
Daddy: "Clothes and perfume"
Nanny: "Ooh and lamps, they sell lamps"
Daddy: "Er no, that's just a light fitting"
Looking at the computers in an electrical shop:
Nanny: "I'm going to look at that computer over there, I want to know how much that wallpaper is"
In a busy restaurant at 90,000 decibels as a waiter with a tattoo passes the table:
Grandad: "Ooh look that man's got a huge bruise on his arm"
In a tiny craft shop right in front of the owner:
Nanny: "Ugh it stinks in here"
Staying at Nanny and Grandads one christmas:
Mummy: "I need to nip out to the chemist"
Grandad: "What do you need? I might have it"
Mummy: "Er no I don't think you will"
Grandad: "I might, I have most things"
Everyone else: "No you really won't"
Grandad: "But what do you need?"
Mummy: "TAMPONS!"
Grandad (shuffling off): "No I don't have any of them"
To a customer in an Italian restaurant:
Daddy: "Are you open?"
Man: "I don't work here"
Nanny" "Are you open?"
Man: "I don't work here"
Nanny: "Are you serving luncheon?"
Daddy: "He doesn't work here"
Man: "If I worked here I wouldn't be just standing here"
Nanny: "You might, you could be Italian"
Reading mini humans t-shirt that says Bring out the gimp:
Nanny: "Bring out the jimp. What's a jimp?"
Ordering desserts in a restaurant:
Nanny: "The portions here are far too big"
Grandad: "Far too big for us"
Nanny: "Do you recommend the lemon meringue sundae?"
Waitress: "It's the biggest pudding on the menu"
Grandad: "I'll have it then"
The phone rings.
Mummy: "Hello."
Grandad: "Hello Rosie." (That's our cousin, Uncle Nick's daughter)
Mummy: "No, it's Sam."
Grandad: "Is that Hannah?" (That's Rosie's sister)
Mummy: "No, it's Sam. You've rung the wrong number."
Grandad (very crossly): NO I HAVEN'T. Is that Hannah?"
Mummy: "No, it's Sam."
Grandad: "Who?"
Mummy: "Sam."
Grandad: "Who?"
Mummy: "SAM!"
Grandad: "Flo?"
Mummy: "NO SAM!"
Grandad (very crossly): *sigh*"I'm going to ring off now Flo."
Grandad: "I had a bowl of fruit, full cooked breakfast and three croissants."
Mummy: "Three?"
Grandad: "Yes. And fresh fruit. It was so healthy."
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