Daddypedia. Everything you ever needed to know but slightly off kilter.

Daddy:      "blah blah blah sat and nav."
Mummy:   "Satnav."
Daddy:      "Yes, sat and nav."
Mummy:   "It's satnav.  Satellite navigation."
Daddy:      "I think you'll find it's satellite AND navigation."
Mummy:   "That doesn't even make any sense."
Daddy:      "Well maybe they changed it but when they were first invented they were called sat AND nav."
Mummy:   "Whatever."

Daddy:       "Tannings bad for your teeth."
Mummy:    "Do you mean tannin?"
Daddy:       "Tanning.   Yes, in tea."

Daddy has just changed the name of the town Norwich to Norridge.  All residents must use the new name at all times.

Daddy:       "When you buy something from the continent you have to watch out for import duty."
Mummy:    "I know.  But this was from South Africa."
Daddy:       "Yes.   The continent."
Mummy:    "No, South Africa."
Daddy:       "Yes.  The continent."
Mummy:    "You do know the continent refers only to the continent you are on?  i.e. Europe."
Daddy:       "No it doesn't.  It means everywhere other than Europe."
Mummy:    "Don't be ridiculous.  That doesn't even make sense."
Daddy:       "Of course it does.  Doesn't it?"   (looks round at various other people, all who immediately run out of the room)

Daddy:        "Squozen.  It's the past tense of squeezed."
Tom:           "No, squeezed is the past tense of squeeze."
Daddy:        "Squozen is the state of the item that has been squeezed.  Squozen orange juice."
Mummy:     "Why does it not say squozen orange juice on bottles then?"
Daddy:        "Because they are fresh.  When they are not fresh they are squozen."
Mummy:     "You are insane."

"We don't say midget anymore.  We say primeval dwarf."

Mummy:     "Do you want to come to Cardiff with me tomorrow, I'm meeting some people."
Daddy:        "Can I take a raincheck?"
Mummy:     "Not really, I'm meeting them tomorrow with or without you."
Daddy:        "Oh is that what a raincheck is?  I thought it just meant no."

Colleague:   "When is he going to the doctor?"
Daddy:         "Next Wednesday."
Colleague:   "I thought it was this Wednesday."   (It's Monday today)
Daddy:         "Yes.   The next Wednesday."

"The average man is 1.56m"
5 foot 1??

Daddy:       "December's figures are not a bellweather..."
Mummy:    "Whoah.  A whatty what?"
Daddy:       "A bellweather.  It means an indicator."
Mummy:    "I've been on this planet 45 years and I've never heard that word."
Colleague:  "Sorry I don't want to take sides but I've never heard it either."
Daddy:        "Google it."
Colleague:   "The leading sheep of a flock with a bell on it's neck.  A castrated sheep."
Daddy;         "No."
Mummy:     "So if the sheep starts walking round in circles we should panic?  Is that what you're saying?"
Daddy:         "Shut up."
Colleague:    "Are you calling me a castrated sheep?"
Mummy:      "That's not very nice."
Daddy:         "Idiots."
Mummy:      "Shut up you bellweather."