Daddy on technology...

Daddy:       "And then I was like WTF."
Mummy:    "NO NO NO.  You do not say text talk.  NO NO NO.  DON'T EVER DO THAT AGAIN."

When sending text:  Write every single word in full.
When talking:  Uses text talk.   Jan, Feb, Mon, Weds, Poss.

"Does your email address start enquiries at?  No?  Sales at?   That's right."

Daddy:       "Do you need to use the telephone?"
Mummy:    "Why do you ask me like it's a period drama?  Just say phone."
Daddy:       "It is called a telephone."

Daddy:       "Could you bounce this call to Steve?"
Mummy:    "Could I do what?  You mean transfer it?"

"I haven't tweeted on my Facebook in three months."

"...when the D key stops working and you shake the keyboard and a sandwich falls out."

On Ebay:    "I'll even pay an extra 6p for a delayed start.  I don't mind."

"I saw your email but someone had to sit upstairs in a dark room and digest the information."

Daddy:       "And he sent me an email that said ooh can I have a price..."
Mummy:    "Are all your customers that camp?"

Daddy:        "I take a few days off, come back and my computer's corrupted."
Colleague:  "Nobody used it."
Daddy:        "They say that.   It's a conspiracy theory."

On Skype:    "She's dancing around on flippin Skyhawk or whatever it's called."

Colleague:   "What do I do when the printer stops working?"
Daddy:        "You just have to coax it to work again."
Mummy:     "Ders a good printer, come on, come on boy.  Who's da best printer in de world den?"

"I'm being spanned by Chrome.  Had to go back to Explorer."

"I had to trail the internet looking for it."

Daddy:     "How did you manage to drop your mobile phone down the toilet?"
Matt:        "Well, I was standing..."
Daddy:     "Don't stand up.  That's unhygienic."

Daddy finally got a smartphone.    He always called his mobile his "mobile telephone".  Now he refers to his mobile at all times as his "smart phone".  Not smartphone, smart phone.

Daddy got a Hudl tablet for Christmas.    Mummy has a tablet too, she calls hers a tablet.   Daddy calls his an ipad.  It's not an ipad.  Except just after he got it he was in B&M bargains buying headphones for his hurl.    "For your what?"   Says Mummy.   "My hurl.  My ipad."    We give up.

"If you've got the internet you could look at pictures."

When Daddy talks about "The Internet" we think he must think there is a website called "The Internet" where you will find the answers to every question.

Daddy went on Google images to find a wiring diagram (as you can see from his very specific search).    When he found the one he wanted he printed it...like this.   The entire results page...then circled the one he wanted to look at with a biro.































"It's not the material.  It's the losing of the fingers we're charging for."

Tries to use the franking machine:
Mummy:     "DON'T TOUCH MY MACHINE!"
Daddy:        "Oh it's broke."
Mummy spends next 20 minutes fixing the franking machine.

Daddy:       "I'm going out to use the saw."
Everyone else;   "Oh god."
Five minutes later...
Daddy:       "The saw's broke.  We need to call the engineer."

Katie films him doing something stupid:
Daddy:     "Don't put that on the internet."
Katie:       "Just on the internet, in general?"
Daddy:     "Yeah, don't upload it to Google."

Daddy:   "We've bought a banner for the internet."
Mummy:"The internet?"
Daddy:   "Yes, when people go on the internet it will pop up."
Mummy:"The internet's not a website."

Daddy:    "Where do the pictures come from on Google images?"
Mummy: "Is this a joke?"

Always gets texts and emails muddled up. To the point where he said last night that he texted someone an email.