Daddy on the weather...

On world weather:
"You see all this stuff on the news.  It's just as bad here."

"I've just been out in the warehouse and the weather's going backwards."

"It's bloody hot.  It's fan weather."  (It's 15c)

Daddy:       "I need to get a certain amount done before the rains come."
Tom:          "Ah yes, the monsoon season."
Mummy:    "When all the giraffes gather at the watering hole."

How normal people ask if they can open a window:
"Do you mind if I open a window?  It's rather warm."
How Daddy asks if he can open a window:
"Do you mind if I open a window?  It's stifling hot in here.  I'm so hot."  *fans himself*  "I'm dying here."  *pants like a dog*   "It's like a sauna,"  *stomps over to window and makes massive deal about opening window*  "Oh my god I don't know how you can stand this heat, I'm soooooooo hot."
Mummy:    "For Gods sake just open the bloody window Noel Coward."

Daddy:       "It's so hot in here I can't f-in breathe."
Mummy:    "Stop swearing."
Daddy:       "That's what this f-in heat does to me.  I feel like I'm about to go in a coma."

"If the snow's going to start at 3am, I might leave for work before it starts."

"Hello, you're a bit soaking wet."

Daddy:       "It got wet in the soaking rain."
Mummy:    "Damn that soaking rain.  I prefer dry rain myself."

"It's like being in a forrin (?) country with all these fans going.  I feel like I've robbed a bank and am in Equador."

On a very cold September day:
Mummy:    "Is it too early to put the heating on?"
Daddy:       "No, it's bloody not."
Mummy:    "Yay.  I'm freezing."
Daddy:       "What the hell are you talking about, it's sweltering.   You're not putting the bloody heating on."
Mummy:    "YOU JUST SAID I COULD."
Daddy:       "I never said anything of the sort.  Don't be ridiculous."

Colleague:   "Is it me or is it freezing in here?"
Mummy:     "It is freezing."
Daddy:        "Don't be so bloody stupid.  It's boiling hot.  If it got any hotter we would all be falling to sleep.
Mummy:     "Two things.   1.   Just because you are hot doesn't make us hot.  You don't control everybody's body temperature.   2.  You are wearing 5 jumpers and a pair of socks that Sir Ranulph Fiennes would consider overkill.  Of course you're too hot."