Daddy on kids.

After telling someone on the phone that his daughter gave him a bag of nuts out of her ration pack:
Mummy:    "You have to stop telling people Katie's in the TA, she's in the cadets."
Daddy:       "Shut up, they're not interested in that.  I was describing my nuts."

On Katie:
"You can tell she's her great grandmother's daughter."

On meeting the headmaster of minihuman's new school:
"Hello, it's very good of US to see YOU at such short notice."

Daddy:      "I worry about the future when this lot are in charge."
Mummy:   "Ha, yes, nobody will need a police force cos nobody wants to be a grass."
Daddy:      "It'll be like baizerunner."
Mummy:   "Is that about snooker?"

Shouting upstairs:
Daddy:    "Have you got any cups and saucers up there?"
Katie:      "What?  I'm not 60."
Daddy:    "I meant pots and pans."

"If kids are anything she won't like it anyway."